We at TV Fiends give just about every show a chance, so we tuned into Most Eligible Dallas on Bravo. What’s our verdict? We’re keeping it under advisement.
We just don’t know about Most Eligible Dallas yet. It could get really good or it could turn really boring. The producers gave us a tantalizing first taste of the show, but they didn’t provide us with a show we absolutely know will be must see TV from the beginning. They did give us characters we think we will love and one we think we will hate, so that pleased us.
We aren’t going to spend much time remembering or investigating the names of the stars yet, because they don’t deserve it. But there were some standouts.
Matt’s shallow but damaged
Matt is shallow, but somehow he’s not an ass. No, Matt is damaged. That means we like Matt. He was in love and engaged to a woman we assume is an idiot and a harpy because she pushed away a good guy who obviously was dedicated to her. (At least that’s how the editors cropped the storyline.) Now Matt is spending all of his time floating from woman to woman or surrounded by groups of women, because he is scared to commit to another woman who might break his heart. Awwwwww. Matt … come over here so we can give you a hug … ok, hun? It’s going to be ok. You’re hot. Some woman is going to want you. Some guys are going to want you, too, because, we repeat, you’re hot.
Our love for Drew
We also LOVE Drew. He’s our favorite character. He’s a non-stereotypical gay man. He loves cars, and eschews the typical fashion-and-facial-peel bullshit reality TV normally gives us when casting gay men (we’re looking at you A-List New York). But … he does have the gay man’s dreaded issue of body image. We are super proud of Drew for losing 200 pounds. The audience was shown a photo of fat Drew — not hot. Skinny Drew is pretty hot, though. We have employees at TV Fiends who would have no problem marrying that cute little Drew right now.
We were sad, though, to see that Drew is so desperate to continue losing weight that he is injecting himself with female hormones. Apparently, it works, but that seems a little drastic to us. Do some cardio, Drew, that works for those of us at TV Fiends.
And now for the haterade — this is TV Fiends, so we have to spew venomous hate on someone.
Courtney, we despise you and Matt is not that into you either
Hey, Courtney … you’re a bitch and we despise you. If we make it through the season with this show, we think we may use the c-word when describing you in private.
First of all, it’s totally pathetic how you are throwing yourself at Matt. Courtney … get it through your aging, helmet-haired, thick head: Matt is NOT into you. Is he leading you on? No. He’s telling you on almost an hourly basis that you are not and will not be in a relationship with him. So get some self-respect and stop making yourself look like such an ass on basic cable.
The Most Eligible Dallas trailer for the remainder of the season seems to lead viewers to one question: are Matt and Courtney going to end up together? Our thoughts no. Why? Because Courtney, Matt is just NOT that into you.
Courtney v. Neill
Second of all, what you did to Matt’s friend Neill (Neill is a female for those of you who did not see the show) was way uncalled for. Neill is a single mom, and as best we can tell she’s a pretty good one. There was no need for you, Courtney, to attack her just because you were jealous that Neill was hanging out with Matt. Neill’s son was at home with Neill’s parents. That’s not the sin you, Courtney, made it out to be. As a matter of fact, it seemed healthy and nice to us that Neill has the ability to go out with her friends occasionally and leave her child in a safe nurturing environment.
Why Courtney found it necessary to attack Neill because she wasn’t spending 24 hours with her son is beyond us.
Courtney, you have us tempted to start a feature called Reality TV Bitch of the Week. You most def would win it this week, but we’re going hold off going that far — for now. Just know we have no use for you so far.Oh, and Courtney … seriously … you want us to believe you’re 29? We’ve never met anyone who really is 29, only people who lie about being 29. You fit firmly into that category.
And just in case, Courtney, you forgot how we feel about you, as we said a couple of paragraphs ago: You’re a bitch and we despise you.
Most useless cast member
Who was the most useless character on Most Eligible? The NFL punter. Dude, you’re pretty good looking, but you’re not as hot as you think, and you didn’t do a damn thing in the opening show to entertain us. If this show gets a second season, we predict you will be the first voted off the island when the recasting starts. Sorry, guy, you need to step up your game, or the producers need to start cutting more of your vain, useless scenes.
We’ll see if we care after next week. We cautiously recommend this show, but know we might downgrade it’s credit rating in the near future faster than a Greek-government backed bond.