We at TV Fiends don’t even know where to start after this week’s surprise elimination of James Durbin on American Idol. But we’ll take a sip of Haterade and go right where you all expect us to go. (Yep, Heali, we’re looking right at you.)
Our loyal readers know our official position on H’Aillee: “We don’t care.” Yet, after what happened on American Idol this past Thursday, we feel the need to expand on that little this week.
Why don’t we care about Haalee (we refuse to spend any time trying to spell her name right)? Because she’s boring. She won’t be able to move product. She has a nice enough voice, and she can perform a little bit — but there is NOTHING distinctive about her. And that will lead her to a mediocre post-Idol career under the best of circumstances.
And we’re not just guessing about that. We at One TV Fiends Plaza in the Pine Valley section of Northern Virginia aren’t just American Idol viewers. We are American Idol experts. We have spent the past decade earning a PhD in American Idology from FEU (Fox Entertainment University). It is one of a number of TV-based PhDs we are working on. (We’re the preeminent experts in the 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom field, and are the rising stars of the most cutting-edge scholarship on Mad Men, by the way.)
Heilllae is the spring 2011 version of Katharine McPhee. Remember her, loyal TV Fiends readers? Of course you don’t. And even if you recognize the name, you couldn’t pick her out of a line-up.
She happens to be the runner-up from season five of American Idol. She has had some success — a bit. But we dare you to try to name three McPhee songs. We’ll give you a couple of seconds ….
… We’ll be right over here while you think …
… Need more time? OK, we’ll go get a drink from the Peach Pit themed cafeteria here down on the Plaza and come back …
Alright we’re back. Oh … you wrote down three McPhee songs? Let’s look at your Google search history. There you go. You waited until we left and googled “Katharine McPhee songs.”
We told you.
And in a few short months, no matter where Hallee finishes on this season’s American Idol, she will be relegated to the same fate — a trivia question so unfairly obscure that the person asking the queries sets it aside in the “tear-up pile.”
And let’s be honest here: At least McPhee has stunning good looks on her side. That is not Heialii’s demographic. She needs to get by on her vocal talent.
Obviously, Haiully earned the Jacob Lusk American Idol Hot Mess of the Week Award. Her first performance was so dreadful even Jennifer Lopez criticized it.
So how is Heilleiy still around, and a genuine talent and interesting dude like James Durbin sent packing? We … have … no … idea. America you got this one wrong. James will move product. James will develop a loyal following. James has a marketable personality and story to tell.
Haeley, on the other hand, will send the American Idol stylist back to struggling to find something to do with her for yet another week.
We at TV Fiends are NOT amused.
Can you imagine how venomous we would be if Scotty had not survived and Haley had? It would be ugly. We would have drained One TV Fiends Plaza’s Haterade machines dry.
We voted for Scotty more than 100 times this week. And no … we’re not kidding. The reason we can’t give a more precise number is because we just lost count after a while. We used to vote via telephone, and have now moved to text messages — we can get more Scotty votes in quicker that way.
James, we will miss you. We will buy your music. We predict we will add some of it to our workout mix.
Scotty, we will continue to vote for you so many time we: (1) can’t keep count of that many votes and (2) can’t help but be embarrassed by how much of our Wednesday evenings are spent supporting your cause.
Haeilliey, we still don’t care about you — but stay out of Scotty’s way.
And when we randomly ask you, TV Fiends readers, to name three Heaoleei songs in a year or two, you will be thinking one thing: “They told us so.”
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