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I am well aware if Teen Mom 2‘s Corey Simms reads this he would want to whip my a**. Jenn, a/k/a the Anna Wintour of blogging and the beloved editor and publisher of our favorite television-based Web site, TV Fiends, disagrees. She says I don’t have enough faith in Teen Mom 2‘s Corey. But here’s what I know: Straight men from rural America aren’t all that receptive when they find out another dude has a gay crush on them. And my gay love for Teen Mom 2‘s Corey is unbounded.

I just can’t help how deeply I feel for him. I am totally and completely in love with Teen Mom 2‘s Corey. He is so wonderful. I want to spend my life with him. But, alas, he’s not into guys, so all I can do is wish for him to be happy — even while I know I love him more than his wife, Teen Mom 2‘s Leah Simms, ever could. (It was all I could do to keep from making a female-dog reference when discussing Teen Mom 2′s Leah. That is such growth for me.)

I won’t ever forget the first time I saw Teen Mom 2‘s Corey, on MTV’s (almost reprehensible but) addictive show 16 and Pregnant. The first thing I noticed was that he was kind of cute, but so what? Several of the dads on the 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom franchise are cute bordering on outright hot. Ryan from the first season of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom and Adam from the second season of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom did stop me in my tracks. I’m not going to lie, they had my gay eyes glued to their scenes.

Problem is that 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Ryan and Adam are both really bad people. They way they treated my girl, 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Maci, and  16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Chelsea was just uncalled for. No matter how hot 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Ryan and Adam are (and they are a little bit hot), they are still majorly douchie, if not worse. And being the bad fathers/boyfriends they are make them way less hot in the long run. Although 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Ryan regained some of his hotness once he changed his ways and became a better — if not perfect (remember when he let Bentley fall on the floor) — father.

So the first time Corey popped up on screen I noticed he was cute, but he wasn’t in the top tier of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom dads. Within the hour of his 16 and Pregnant appearance, that changed. He BECAME the top tier of 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom dads. And I had the man my future husband will have to live up to. (The Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. I plan to get married in a state that allows it as soon as I find my gay Corey, then wait for the U.S. Supreme Court to hand down a ruling that makes my relationship recognized in all 50 states.)

So why did 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Corey become my dream man? To begin, country boys are hot. Nothing is more masculine than hunting, fishing, communication with often inaudible grunts, two days of unnecessary facial-hair growth, and camo. 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Corey does all that, and he is so hot when he does. But that’s not what takes him to gay dream-man status.

In addition to being super masculine, 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Corey also, oddly, is super sensitive.  Most of the dads on 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom are the worst jerks imaginable — but not Corey. Many of the 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom dads disappear, at least for a while — but not Corey. Many of the 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom dads can’t refer to the mothers of their children as whores often enough — but not Corey.

Leah became pregnant soon after she and Corey started dating. Instead of running away, Corey became Leah’s rock. Corey signed up to be right beside Leah throughout her pregnancy. And he wasn’t just doing that for the sake of his twin daughters, Aliannah and Aleeah. Corey truly was and is in love with Leah, in addition to being a wonderful father to his children.

How did Leah repay that dedication to her and her children on their episode of 16 and Pregnant? She tried really hard to cheat on my beloved Corey (and wasn’t successful), then she broke up with him. So while the other 16 and Pregnant/Teen Moms had a hard time getting any financial support from the fathers of their children, much less emotional support, Leah was busy turning away the single best man to father children on 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom. (He earns the “best” title because in addition to being an awesome guy, he also has a steady job. Corey is a certified water-distribution operator. I don’t know what that is, but it allows him to pay the medical bills for his sick daughter Ali.)

When Leah broke up with Corey on 16 and Pregnant, he cried because he said he loved her so much. His country-boy cuteness was well on it’s way to hotness before then, but that sealed the deal. From that moment on, I have wanted to be his husband — and I have kinda hated Leah a little bit for hurting the love of my life.

How did Corey react to Leah’s betrayal during this season of Teen Mom 2? He not only forgave Leah and again became her rock as they were dealing with baby Ali’s health crisis, HE MARRIED HER!

So 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Corey is masculine, sensitive, emotionally supportive, a good dad, gainfully employed (financially supportive), and a near perfect partner. If Jesus is merciful enough to put a man as terrific as 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Corey in my life, I promise to cherish each and every breath he takes. I promise I’ll be a worthy husband. (Are you listening, Ms. Leah? You might want to read that last paragraph twice, Ms. Leah. Some people appreciate the rare Coreys of this world, Ms. Leah.)

But I do need to give Leah some props. During this season of Teen Mom, she worked really hard to earn her partnership with Corey. And while I think he could do better (i.e., me) I give her credit for being a bit more deserving of Corey.

On the penultimate episode of Teen Mom 2 this season Corey made a speech in which he stated no matter how severe daughter Ali’s health problem is he wants to make sure she has a normal life. I’ll admit I almost cried. Every time I think I can’t love Corey more, he proves me wrong — he finds a way to show why he is my dream man.

I love you 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom‘s Corey, I always will. And for you, I’m trying my best not to hate Leah — because I want to be the kind of husband you deserve. I love you … I love you … I love you.

Please don’t punch me.